Monday, February 6, 2012

V-Day: Operation Emotional Overload

With Valentine's Day coming up, I had to write on it. The closer the day comes, the more emotions come out. I really get tired of hearing about how it's a Hallmark Holiday, so I'll give a little background on it before I get started.

St. Valentine's Day is the actual name of V-Day. It was the commemoration of one or more Christian Martyrs (saints) with that name and was a feast day. It became a day of spreading affectionate love in the Middle Ages but was deleted from the Roman Calendar of Saints in 1969. Sorry, guys, Hallmark didn't exist in the Middle Ages.

Now, it seems like the day you realize you're single. That's why me and a friend called it SAD - Singles' Awareness Day. We use to say "Happy SAD" which is exactly the emotions you see people having that day; Happy and Sad. People often say things to justify their feelings about the holiday. If it didn't matter so much to everyone, why have you been ranting about it since mid January? I've seen so much bitching and not just from women. I came up with a few categories of people I've seen via Twitter, Facebook, and outside of social networks over the years. These are several of the most common:

The Immature lover
"I'm so in love I wanna tell everyone." Girl, bye. They tell everyone what they received no matter how inconsiderate it may be. She can't wait until Feb 14th. She rubs the fact others may be a side chick because they don't have gifts or valentines. She's been waiting on this day since she's gotten in the relationship. But if it's not what she would like it to be, she doesn't say anything or makes it seem like it was more than it was. She'll feel less embarrassed that way.

Big Bad Wolf/Mr Wolf in Sheep's Clothing
He's going to take pictures of what he did for his girl/main chick for V-Day and post them. He's a dog, but he makes himself look like he's the best bf ever. His side chicks get upset by all the postings. He talks about how much he loves her on today and it's all about her. The girls friends comment all on the pics like "awwww, there are good men out there." His girl floating all happy for now and thinks she's on, but they go through problems all the time. He putting up these pics because he knows the hoes gone flock.

Miss High Horse
"I'm just doing me. I don't need a day to make me feel special." She hates V-Day because she's lonely. She gets more angrier as the day gets closer. She may be a side chick or just never had a valentine, so she gets pissed. She's judging others gifts and being nosey on Facebook so she can talk about it to her other bitter ass friend. She rants about how V-Day don't mean shit and blah blah blah . Yeah, go watch Lifetime and cry yourself to sleep.

Bitter man
"Girls, care about V-Day, but what about Sweetest Day." He's either going to sound like Drake or Kanye. No matter which one, he's salty. He's going to talk about how it's a Hallmark holiday and go on rants all because he spent a lot on a girl one year and the relationship probably ended bad. He probably went all out and she didn't do much but he didn't get salty about it until they broke up. He may even want a relationship, but whatever girl that may be interested probably backed off because of this very rant. Go listen to Take Care, no one wants to hear about your feelings on the day. You're just adding to the rest of the negative emotions.

Miss Hopes
"Some day my prince will come" He will. She's probably sad she doesn't have a valentine. She wants to be happy for other people, so she hides the fact that she probably is going to cry sometime during the day. She gets all the texts from her inconsiderate friends about what their boyfriends did for them on V-Day, so she tries to stay off Facebook and Twitter. She may try to do something nice for herself but she's going to "cry in the car." She may have had someone in mind or found out that she wasn't as special to the guy she likes. My best advice, because I've been there, is to surround yourself with happy singles and try to do something fun.

The Good Guy finishing Last
Not all good guys finish last, but a lot do. This guy likes a girl and the feelings are not reciprocated. He may want to do something for a girl, but is unsure. Instead he does something nice for his mother, sister, or good friend. When he finds someone, he'll give them the world. Hopefully it's not the wrong person because he'll change into the bitter man.

Miss Sex and the City
She's going to fuck someone during the day and will be perfectly fine with it because she got some good dick. So, she won't be sad. She's been in the other places before and that's her way of dealing with it. She may have just started enjoying her single life or is just bussin for the hell of it. Either way, she won't be bitching on Twitter.

Average guy
He probably had someone who really likes him, but she was scared to bring it up. He may have someone who he was just fucking. He gone fuck the shit outta her or just shoot a text. He's not trying lead anyone on or have them think that they're more special than they really are. Later on he may say "I woulda been your valentine." Miss Hopes probably likes him, but Miss Sex and The City gone try and throw it at him.

Miss Happily Ever After
She probably had a very romantic day, but is considerate of others feelings because she's been there before. She keeps it private to make sure she doesn't make others uncomfortable. She is very much in love and is appreciative of whatever she gets. She wants everyone to have a good day and only shares get day if someone asks.

Prince Charming
He put a lot of thought into his girl's gift. He knows that the day is special for women, so he thinks it out carefully. He probably asked one of his female friends for help. You don't have to see him posting it all over social networks because he doesn't need all the extra attention. He's a good man.

Now, all these different types of people create a emotional environment. Not everyone has had that special day or appreciates it.

Valentine's Day was easy in elementary school. You bought those box of cards from the store and everyone got something. If you had a crush you may have tried to give them one with a sweeter message. The teacher gave you a class list so no one felt got left out. Your class had a party and you got to eat sweets. In Junior High, Valentine's day got harder. You hit puberty, go through that awkward looking stage, and people start getting cliquish. You start having crushes. Student Council starts selling those carnations and kiss-o-grams and you secretly want one. Then, you get a little sad your crush didn't send you one.

I started sending myself things that said "From your Secret Admirer" to make myself feel better. One year in high school, a good friend of mine sent me a carnation. It was just from a friend, but it made me feel appreciated. As much as people criticize it, I feel like Valentine's Day makes you feel loved and appreciated. Yes, you should feel like this all year, but that doesn't mean this day doesn't matter.

I've been through a lot of different stages through my life on February 14th. Most of them have not been good experiences. I can not lie that I've been one of the girls who's longed to have a special day like this because I never had a Valentine. I've just never been in a significant enough relationship. I've played the side chick before and the girl who just ends up sleeping with someone that night. The one year I did have a boyfriend, he ruined it. I got dinner a week late after I had gotten us tickets to a concert on Vday. I felt like he didn't care. When @JustMentionTT had mentioned on Twitter during my V-Day Survey that no gifts means the end of the relationship, I could relate because it had happened to me. I think the part that hurt the most that year is that I'm not hard to please. I just wanted to feel special that day.

I don't really know my exact purpose for this post. I'm sure lots of people can relate. I have no answers for your problems, but I hope you enjoyed. I really just want you all to shut up with all the bitching because I'm pretty sure it's not benefiting to the morale of this time of year. Seems like everyone either hates the day or loves it. Just don't ruin it for others. Be considerate.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Shit Men Hate Hearing Women Say

So, with all these Shit *Insert somebody* Says it made me think of things women say that irritate the opposite sex. Some shit we just should think twice about before we say. I'm sure they get frustrated every time they hear one of these.

"We need to talk"
This could be about the simplest things, but the delivery is so wrong. You hated when your parents use to say it so why you putting him through it. Just think, this use to always foloe with something negative. You could be talking about the pipes bring frozen, but now you have him wondering what the hell he did wrong.

"I'm late"
Pregnancy scare. You just made him crap his pants and you're not even for sure if you're really pregnant or not. I know you're scared, but you're probably over thinking it. Don't say anything until you're certain. All that playing, he's not even going to want to touch you until you're sure. Those "I'm sick" hints are just as bad.

"Who is/was that?"
Yeah, you mad! You done got all suspicious about some random girl he just spoke to or you hear on the background. It could be the TV, but you just have to know. This shows lack of trust and insecurity. He's going to be scared to be social because you're so damn suspicious.

"You never listen"
This probably hurts the guy who really cares. You basically telling him what he doesn't do. It's like you're doubting him. He gone stop listening to you. Just because he doesn't have fact for fact doesn't mean he's not paying attention.

"what is this? What you on with me?"
We all what to know and sometimes it needs to be asked. But you just put him on the spot. You probably came out of nowhere and he wasn't even prepared to have this conversation with you. Now he feels like he's on the hot seat. Don't get mad if he chokes on his words.

"lemme find out..."
This is another doubting statement. This is how we say, "I don't believe you, but wait until it comes out." Yes, you just called him a liar. He not even going to want to tell you anything anymore. If you don't believe him, why are you together.

"my ex use to do that"
We don't like this either. Comparisons are the worst. You really gone compare him to your ex that you probably talk bad about. I mean so what are you saying about your current relationship. I'm sure he's wondering why that nigga on your mind.

"Call me!"
This is a command. You're probably angry too and have blown his phone up. He's either busy or he's not going to call you either way. My ex use to say, "After to calls don't call me anymore. I will call you back" Of course, we get mad and keep hitting that green send button, but it's not making any difference.

"You should just know"
Men aren't mind readers and neither are we. He's not going to know unless you tell him. You walking around saying, "I'm not mad," with your mouth stuck out about something he's clueless. If you have something you need to express, do it. No one is trying to play the Guessing Game with you.

"When you gone....?"
So are you assuming or telling him what he's going to do? Whether it be going some where or meeting his mother. It's like you're telling him he has to or insisting that he does something.

Hope you all had a good laugh and can relate. Thanks for reading.

You Know *Insert Name* Got a Baby

With so many different types of families and cultural norms changing now a days, kids have been a big factor on whether you choose to date someone or not. Many people would idealy say that it shouldn't be a factor, well it still is; face it. Why do you think that when you are starting to get to know someone you always ask, "Do you have any kids?" Then when the person answers yes and how do you feel about it, you give some answer as if you were being interviewed for a job, not wanting to offend the person. If people didn't think about it so much, the question wouldn't arise. This is more openly expressed with women. I began to look at the some of the reasons women may back away from dating a man with a child. Here are two of the biggest factors:

Baby Mama Drama

I believe one of the main reasons women may feel different about dating a man with a child is the "Baby Mama." We all know at least one person with the BM from Hell and we base our reasoning on that. Not all people have negative situations, but the ones who do stand out more. We try to prevent ourself from getting in one of those situations by avoiding it altogether. Lots of women feel like their might be feelings still lingering there. What if he's still messing with her? Do they get along? I don't want to be put in the middle of that because it's not my business. How is she going to act toward me being around? It just raises a lot of uncomfortable questions and possibilities.

Wanting to be the First

A lot of women, though not admitted all the time, want to be first in the man's life. Not just as in number one, but the first to give him a child. It's important for a lot of women to be on the same level as their spouse. They want to share this experience of having his first. Being first also relates to women knowing that they ae not their man's first priority. Which may sound selfish and may be, but it's a real reason we think this way. Just think. If you are single with no obligations of being a parent, someone having a child prior to is kind of throwing that person into a foreign situation. Most just don't want it.

I had to have both sides to this post. It's just not a thing that women think about, men do too. Some women feel like it's just as hard to date when having a child. These are some of the reasons men were hesistant:

I'm Not Trying to Play Daddy

A lot of the men I talked to about this said that they felt some women were trying to find a father for their child. Some men feel like some women don't exactly have the situation together and that they want to fill a position. And like women, some men don't want to deal with another man. Majority of single parent families the mother is the primary giver. Not all the time, but most. So 9 times out of 10 that child will always be around. Boundaries need to be set and their should be some understanding of everyone's role.

Level of Seriousness

Men feel like if they are dating a women with a child, then it's more serious. They don't want to put that effort into a relationship that might not work in the long run. Men tend to know where they want a relationship to go. Her having a child and him knowing it's only temporary might hurt the child and her in the long run. I feel like this is considerate. No one wants different men in and out of their child's life.

When asking my friends and associates their views on the subject I noticed something while comparing men and women. Women usually based their answers off of past experiences. If the girl had been in a relationship with that type of situation that went well, she was all for it. If not, it was a definite "Hell no." Not all women are against the idea of it. Some know that it depend on the people involved. But if there is a bad experience, that situation is most likely avoided. Men, on the other hand, had certain stipulations to be involved in that situation. They wanted this to be like this and that to be like that, no drama, and they had to be deeply feeling the girl. They usually didn't answer the question like women did by saying, "I was in a relationship...." and then giving their answer. Men answered it like, "She would have to..." or "I would have to...." See what I mean?

Along with those differences I found out that the answer differed if that person asked was a parent or not. Most parents stated that they felt one way before having children and another way after. They were more open to the situation now being put on the other side. Also, parents wanted the relationship to be more serious before exposing their child to a new figure in their life. It's that parent instinct you get as soon as the child gets here. The best interest for the child will always come first. Both parents and non-parents know that and thats why there is always a big choice to make when deciding to date with children.

I can't say that I'm quick to jump in the situation. I'm not going to stunt, I'm not. I was in the situation before and I remember having a lot of anxiety about it, because I wasn't ready. When I got into the relationship there was no known child, and he later found out that he had one. So I guess you could say, I was kind of thrown into a situation that I didn't ask for. I remember being emotional about it because I wasn't sure what it would mean for us. I guess it would have went a little better if we would have both known about the situation before we started dating.

I'm not telling people what to do. I just wanted to give all parties a different perspective or better understanding of what others may think or feel. Everyone is not going to be willing to jump in head first. That doesn't make them a bad person. There's so much negativity about the subject and it often gets generalized. Both singles and parents know that it is a big responsiblity. At the end of the day, the interest of the child needs to come first.