Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Certifying for benefits...Unemployment

Any of you who have ever went through a time of unemployment knows how hard it is. I'm not even sure if I'm ready to talk about this, but I'm giving it a shot. You also know what certifying your weeks of employment is. It's when you call in and answer questions about actively looking for work and receiving no earnings. This is how you get paid. I'm thankful for qualifying for unemployment benefits, but it's nowhere near enough.  

Before I lost my job, I had a situation with my bank that left me with nothing. I had to take out a loan to pay my bills.  I didn't know that I would soon lose my job. I was fired because of a cat accident a couple weeks later. I'm not ready to talk about that in detail because it's still a sensitive subject.  It hurt and I soon began worrying about bills. 

I put in apps everyday day. Not 1 or 2 apps, but 5 & 6 apps a day. I figured it wouldn't take too long to find a job nope. Took long just for my unemployment to even be approved. Bills started to pile up. Still piled up now, since I'm still in the situation. I was stressed and trying to hide it. 

Unemployment was not the only thing that decided to come into my life. Bull Shit did too. The first situation that added to my stress was someone stealing from my mother. This she blamed on me and my brother. I who had never stolen from her was the first to be accused if stealing because I wasn't working. We still don't know who did it, but her trust is gone and She refuses to help anyone out.  This put a strain on our relationship and I can neither get help nor comfort from her. Just more stress. 

The next bull shit in my life is selfish people. People who can't see that I am stressed out and may not be myself. All they think about is what I haven't done for them. "You didn't *insert some shit that don't really matter*." They get all in their feelings about not hearing from you, but have not called or checked on you one time. More stress. 

Now, I've been keeping to myself. I'm so stressed that I shut down completely at one time and didn't really wanna leave the house. I went out of town on weekends because others offered to take care of everything. This helped me lower my energy bill and water. I stopped tweeting for a while just because I was down and out.  There has been many times recently where I just sit in the house in the dark. No tv, no lights, just sitting there. I recently had to sell my dressers just so I could put $60 on my rent.  I was going to throw a Rent Party, but had to postpone it because I could not afford alcohol.  

It's been really hard and i thank the people in my life who have not been selfish and have helped me and comforted me.  I may not have opened up, but they knew something was wrong. I'm slowly coming back to my regular self, but still continue to cry. I pray every day and thank everyone of you for your prayers. You all know who you are. I have not gotten out of my situation, it is still current. 
To be continued... 

1 comment:

  1. Very moving post, it takes a lot of courage just to be able to reach out for help which alot of us struggle with. Struggling financially is something alot of us are going through now but try to keep the burden to ourselves which is never any good. I remember being stuck in those payday loan rip-offs for months trying to make ends meet till the next check, donating plasma like 3x a week for the extra $25 & even selling jewelry to pay random bills. the important thing is keeping your small circle of friends( usually in times of struggle it's small) around now so when you get back on your feet you know who was there.