Monday, April 1, 2013

All Shit Everything

After watching the season finale of Love & Hip Hop, I was left confused.  I'm amazed at how many women get in these situations where they just can't seem to let go of someone that really is not good for them.  Why put up with shit if you don't have to?  What is keeping you there?  Could it be daddy issues, low self esteem, or a combination of things that are making these girls stay?  I've seen it too many times on Reality TV and in real life.  Is the dick really that good? Because I promise you can find some that's better.  I may sound judgmental, but someone needs to be blunt with those of you going through it.

Same ole Shit, Different Day

We all know that girl who complains about her dude constantly, breaks up and makes up, on going same soap opera drama for years now.  They ask you for advice, but never listen.  After a while, you just are fed up with hearing it and refuse to continue to try and get some sense into them.  What is making this girl stay.  The guy can come clean admit his faults and then get right back into the same thing he has been doing.  Why? Because that bitch keeps letting him do it.  She continues to waddle in her mud puddle of a relationship, hurt all the time; and the worst part, complains.  This has been going on for so long that it just becomes a routine that she thinks is love.  Then you hear her say something like, "Girl, the love just keeps us together."  Bitch, please. Stop making excuses for the fucked up situation you call a relationship.  I remember the first time I heard Sevyn Streeter's "I Like It."  I thought it was a catchy song and then I really started listening to it.  She's singing happily about some fucked up relationship she's calling love and I sure some basic bitch is singing along and tweeting the lyrics talking about how it sounds like her and Rodney.  Same girl that's telling the girl he just left her for "He gone be back, bitch. He always comes home. He can't stay away from me."  And her best friend has to listen to her cry about how she can't believe he did the same shit he did the year before.  Is it the fear of starting over with someone new what's keeping her there?  Or the fact that she really thinks this is what love is?  Real love is not supposed to hurt, it's the extra bull shit that does. 

Confused Niggas

The Joe Budden, Tahiry, Kaylin situation is the most amusing to watch.  This old ass nigga is Tahiry again.  But if you follow her on Instagram, you know that his ass went right back to Kaylin.  He did one of the most common tricks that guys do to keep someone around, and it worked.  I saw how people laughed and was amused for which ever girl's team they were on.  But in the end, both women are getting played.  Tahiry has been getting played the longest because she's been doing it to her for 5 years.  Kaylin for a shorter amount of time but she still knows of his past and saw how he continuously went back to Tahiry and still fell for the shit.  I don't understand.  This is elementary.  These games that are being played are not any kind of complicated strategy that they have thought long and hard about to trick you.  No, it's quite simple.  You know how when you were a child you realized that if you just admitted to what you did, the punishment was not as bad.  You should have learned this game a long ass time ago.
obviously a quite confused man child.  He has it down to a science.  Just be honest about not know what I want, come clean, and the girl will be understanding and I can come back whenever I want.  He decides to talk about it so he can get some "understanding" for his actions and the girl just sympathizes with him.  I fell for this shit once; I definitely can spot it out a mile away.  Guys like keeping a girl around or in the back ground so they can come back whenever.  And most of us fall for it until we finally get smart, some slower than others.  At the end of the season, he appears to be with

Drama Queens

I've come to the conclusion that some girls just like the drama.  They feed off the the back and forth and the feeling that he can't let her go.  What they don't realize is that she is just convenient.  These types of girls keep getting in the same type of relationships, no matter who it is.  That's their idea of love.  Mess.  "He don't love you unless he *insert dumb as action*."  This will be the same girl wondering why her ass ain't got a ring yet or who finds her self with his kids while he goes back and forth between her and other girls.  If that's love, I got the game all wrong.  He's never going to grown up if she keeps letting him get away with the same childish tricks.  They can have that; I want the real thing.

I can't do any better

I feel like a lot of women come to be content in these situations is because they feel all men are the same.  No, they aren't but they do have to go through that not shit stage before they become a great man.  Your ass just needs to learn how to spot out the bullshit or at least not keep waddling in it.  This nigga got your head so gone that you think it's real love.  Trust me.  When you have a man treat you the way you're supposed to be different, you'll realize that those little adolescent type relationships you were in were Child's Play.  Why stay and cry when you can live life?  You got him didn't you?  There are other people out there you can pull.  Rodney isn't the only man that's going to be with you.  I understand that a lot of people have not had good examples of relationships in their lives when they were growing up, but you gotta learn from yourself and others.  I know you can feel what hurts and what doesn't.  Whether you have a child with him or not, it doesn't limit you to having to put up with his shit if it's not a healthy relationship.  There's never a reason for you to feel like you're stuck in a bad romance.

In the end, you control what situation you're in.  If you don't want to be there anymore, leave.  If you do, "No More Complaining either put up with it or let it go."

 
Special thanks to D'Wayne for the title.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Started From A DM...Now You Always FUCKING Here


Nothing irks me more than a girl that is always tagging along behind her boyfriend.  Find some damn friends.  Some women claim to be so independent, but as soon as they get a boyfriend, they don’t know how to function without him.  It’s time to let your man breathe, ladies.  You don’t see your guy trying to attend a girls’ night.  What did you do for fun before you got in a relationship?  Unless you and your boyfriend are total lames, you should have some friends that you once paid attention to.  Today, I want you to look at yourselves and evaluate if you are the clingy girlfriend.
Since I’ve been dating, I’ve gotten into the date night hype.  I appreciate it because I’m not the type that wants to be in my man’s face every second, minute, and hour of the day.  But what are you doing those other days minus the time you’re at work?  Are you constantly in his face, at his house, on his line?  Women who do this come across as insecure to me.  What do you feel the need to always be around him for?  Are you trying to make sure he’s not doing anything?  Yes, I love spending time with my boyfriend, but I think a little time spent by yourself makes you appreciate each other more. 

His friends aren't your friends

I’ve seen this one too many times.  Guys going out and someone’s girlfriend decides to tag along.  No, no, no.  Stay your ass at home.  It’s called Guys’ Night for a reason.  You wouldn’t try to pop up at a Bachelor’s Party he was attending.  Unless you both were in the same social circle/clique before you started dating, you shouldn’t all of a sudden be hanging with a new group of friends…his friends.  What are you doing there?  What happened to your friends you once had that you used to take IG pics with constantly with long ass captions about how much she was your bottom bitch.  Forgot about her, right?  What about those nights you enjoyed a warm bath, a glass of wine, and your favorite TV show?  I’ve even seen some girls try to be slick with it by inviting his friends with her friends.  Sorry, honey, your job is not to play match maker.  Trying to keep his friends occupied by bringing your girls is not going to compensate for your clinging.  I’m sure if his friends aren’t single; their girlfriends don’t appreciate a group date where their boyfriends have been paired up with one of your many single friends.  A double date every blue moon doesn’t hurt, but every blue moon is not every damn week.  This reminds me of Chris Rock in I Think I Love My Wife.  He talks about how once you get married, you only start hanging with other married people and how this becomes routine.  Do you really want your significant other to get bored with you?

Trust

I think a lot of girlfriends are clingy because of lack of trust.  She doesn’t trust her man to be with Tyrone for a long length of time without her because she thinks he’s going to show his ass.  Tyrone can’t force a grown man to do something he doesn’t want to or intends not to do.  And if your man is easily influenced, you may need to reconsider who you’re dating.  When you ask someone what is the foundation of a relationship, they always answer with trust.  Yet, I still see too many women who lack it and try to hind it by just being around all the time.  Not trusting him and blaming his friends, is only going to have them waiting for you two to break up.  Now when it’s time for you to come around, it’ll be an uncomfortable or negative vibe because they already feel some type of way about you because you do about them.  Then, he’ll never want to bring your ass around anyone. 

Social Networks

Unless he has something to hide, most of his friends and associates know you’re his girlfriend.  You don’t have to comment on every one of his posts on Instagram.  We know you’re there, please shut up.  Wouldn’t it creep you out if someone constantly liked every one of your pics?  You’re calling, texting, tweeting, and liking his pics…that’s a damn overload.  I learned this awhile back.  Chill out.  Let the nigga breathe.  He has too look at you every day and deal with trying to make yourself known to the world.  Have a seat.  All this extra attention you are displaying is going to back fire when he dumps your ass.  Then all the people who were secretly waiting for it to end will really get a kick out of that.  Imagine you having an annoying colleague that was constantly doing all these things that I named, how quick would you start ignoring and avoiding him/her?  Push him away if you want to.

Allowing Space

So you’ve found yourself suddenly bored because you don’t know how to function on your own anymore?  I’m sure there are some errands you need to run that you don’t have to drag him along to do.  He doesn’t have to wait for you in the nail shop or look uncomfortable in the women’s department store with you every time you want to go.  Take your ass there by yourself.  I know these men that women always drag along to these places aren’t always paying the bill, so stop fronting like he is.  Stop sitting there huffing and puffing or watching some sports game at a bar with him that you don’t really want to be in because you couldn’t let him go by himself.  Some things should be done separately.  Sure it’s nice to go shopping together every now and then, but you don’t have to go together every time.  I hate going shipping with other people, so I know a lot of guys do too.  He doesn’t have to buy you something every time you go out.  I’m sure it’s some primping and winding down you can do without him.  Reach deep back into your memory and dig out some of those activities you were doing solo dolo when you were single.

Hopefully, you were honest with yourself when you read this.  Guys, put your damn foot down sometimes.  It’s okay to tell her you want to spend time with YOUR friends and not hers.  No one wants a man who they can walk all over…except the insecure girls who I doubt you want to be with.  Space is good.  I’m not saying break up or not contact each other all day.  I’m just saying you need some time to yourself and not be in the other person’s face 24/7 365. 

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Bitter Bitches...not so Anonymous


Bitter bitches.  We all know them.  We’ve seen them on social networks crying for the world to see.  No shame about how dumb they look pining over a nigga who doesn’t want them, reaching for attention, and soliciting for sympathy and justification from other bitter bitches.  You can air your grievances all you want, but it will only make you look like a weak little bitch who can’t let go.  While you’re sitting there trying to build a Bitter Bitch Support Group, whoever you're bitter about is getting on with their life.  Bitch, no one has time to hear you complain about some nigga that hurt you that probably wasn’t even yours to begin with.  Who do you think you’re hurting?  So, today I’m dedicating to every girl who’s tried to build sympathy on Twitter, posted Facebook statuses about how they so hurt and they just go pray about it while simultaneously sneak dissing, or posted a simp ass Instagram post with words that could easily be read to Drake’s “Shot For Me.”  Most of all this is dedicated to the bitch that keeps lurking my social networks.  You inspired me.
Queen of Hearts
This is the typical Bitter bitch that people think of when you bring it up.  The Off with your Head type.  The “Niggas Aint Shit”, “All men are dogs”, basically the woman who constantly complains about there not being any men around and desperately needs some to fuck her and shut her ass up.  She bites everyone’s head off who is happy or minding their own business because she is bitter.  She thinks chivalry is dead but won’t allow anyone to show her that it’s not.  She gripes on Valentine’s Day and waits for people’s relationships to end.  Probably was hurt before and blames the guy, but won’t admit her faults.  Bitch, please.  You probably have done your fair share of trifling things.  Maybe if you didn’t nag so fucking much, you’d have someone instead of scaring them away.  Vibrator not keeping you warm and night, is it?  Keep being the way you are and watch your ass slowly grow to a mean old lonely hag.  Stop being so negative all the time.  These are the type of girls you don't even want to invite anywhere.  Debbie Downer.  Uptight and always finding something to be mad about.  You can't watch TV with them because it'll end in a rant about how men are to blame for everything.  Well, did you learn from the situation?  Have you tried to see both sides?  Do you really have anything to be upset about?  The world hurt you, huh?  Those glasses of wine won't keep her warm at night.  She'll have to learn eventually that she has to stop bitching and try to love again.  How is someone going to love you when you hate the world? 
 
Eeyore
This is one of the saddest BB’s of all.  They sing along to Melanie Fiona and Keyshia Cole and cry themselves to sleep.  Quoting Drake all up and down your TL.  They want everyone to know how hurt they are to build some type of sympathy and make the guy look bad.  9 times out of 10 he probably was upfront with their ass.  Posting Tweegrams and quotes on IG is not gone make him leave her and be with you.  It’s only gone make people laugh at your sad sorry ass.  No one wants to hear that shit anymore.  You’ve been mourning for months now, he’s not coming back.  This is the same type of girl that will text her ex a novel every blue moon asking why, then snapping off, and later apologizing.  You’re holding yourself back from being great.  Public sadness is not going to make him come back.  If he wanted to be with you, he would.  You can’t force someone to be with you bluntly, so stop trying to subliminally.  STOP REACHING.  Stop drunk dialing him acting like you didn’t know what the fuck you were doing.  This ain’t Marvin’s Room.  Why are you lurking his girlfriend's IG and Twitter in your spare time looking at your ex and her on date night knowing damn well it's only going to upset you?  I'm sure your friends are tired of you sending screenshots and updates on their life.  What are you looking for?  Waiting on them to break up?  I'm sure she doesn't post all her business like you do.  Every Tweegram that you can relate to about being hurt does not have to be reposted on your page.  We get it.  You're hurt.  B-O-O H-O-O.  If he didn't commit to you and commited to her, so what?  Why are you chasing someone who's not trying to be chased.  Simping ain't gone make him come back sweetie.  You need to decide if you wanna truly be his friend or if you want to have nothing to deal with him.  You're making him out to be the Big Bad Wolf but you still love him.  Confused much?  Stop subtweeting people that ain't checking for you. 

Lucy
This BB is a major shade thrower.  She hates on the new girl to anyone she can.  She will flat out disrespect her to the guy of interest.  That only makes one question your character.  He obviously likes her more than you.  I’m sure this type of girl has pushed away many of her exes because she did not know her place.  So you mad you got dumped?  Build a bridge; get over it.  Pointing out her flaws is not going to make him come back to you.  Throwing shade at him and what type of guy he is only gone make you look dumb for being with him.  So he wasn't a dog when you got with him?  He probably cheated with you on some other girl.  You thought it would be different with you?  If he's such a bad person, why are you worried about him so much?  These are the type of exes you hate.  You could be Snow White but this bitch will hate you just because you're perfect.  All because you have what she wants.  "She took my man."  No, your man left freely.  No one put a gun to his head and told him to replace you. You’re hurt and upset; it’s obvious.  At the end of the day, you’re alone.
I wouldn’t talk about this topic if I didn’t know about it.  You all know by now, I'm not afraid to admit the fucked up shit I've done or been through in hopes to help someone else going through the situation.  I’ve been there.  A “victim” wanting to be heard, pissed off, disrespecting my ex then apologizing.  It didn’t make him come back.  But I’ve been there; done that.  I learned from my mistakes.  Being bitter only makes you look dumb and you miss out on what could be waiting for you.  We all have been hurt.  Learn from it and move on.  No reason in bitching and crying over spilled milk.  What’s done is done.  You can talk about how stupid she is, how much of a dog he is, but if he got back with you like you wanted what would that make you?  The same dumb girl that you just accused her of being.  So you go through her pics during your spare time wondering what it is about her, getting yourself all upset because you see them on IG happy and shit.  They’re happy and your sad ass at home wasting your time worrying about them.  I’m personally at home laughing at your weak ass attempts to get attention.  Bitch, move the fuck on.

 

Sunday, January 6, 2013

If You Build It...It Might Come

     I was having a conversation with a friend today and the topic of building a relationship came up.  I don’t believe that everyone does this correctly or even does it at all.  I asked, “What does ‘building a relationship’ mean and include to you?” and realized a lot of people didn’t answer the question right because they didn’t know what it meant exactly or never built one.  Most men answered the same way with slight differences.  Women didn’t even answer what I asked instead giving me things that were needed to make a relationship work, and not what building a relationship was.  I started to understand why men say that women don’t want to build a relationship and that they want a relationship right then and there.

What does it mean to build a relationship?

     Building a relationship is getting to know someone and if a romantic relationship with you and someone would work.  When I asked this question, Men gave me the response I was looking for; women gave me what you develop or need during this time i.e. trust, honesty, etc.  This made me think, “Does everyone actually know what building a relationship is?”  Why did men and women answer the question totally different? 

     I think the concept of building a relationship is a complicated one.  In this society, we don’t court anymore. We have casual sex; we “talk,” so “building a relationship” means different things to different people.  Having that gray area of “What is this?” is hard for a lot of people.  Vulnerability, as I discussed in an earlier post, is why there are so many negative feelings with it.  Lots of women say they are willing to build a relationship, but often get confused during the process.  We want either or. 

 Sex in those Shades of Grey

     So, how important is sex during this time of building a relationship.  This is when it gets complicated.  Yes, everyone wants to try out what they could possibly get stuck with for the remainder of the relationship. But what happens if you decide not to get into a relationship?  This is where women feel like they’ve lost.  You may leave with someone feeling like they were used or played.  Should sex be excluded from building a relationship? It was in courting.  How important is sex?  What if you get in a relationship and end up unhappy with the sex after you finally get it?  This is what, I feel, complicates the matter.  You don’t want to build a relationship based on sex.  Yes, there needs to be some time before sex is involved.  I don’t think that it should be a set time, but when both people are on the same page. 

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

     “So, what’s the point of being in a relationship with someone if I’m not in a relationship with them?  If I give him too much, he’ll never make it official with me.”  This is why a lot of people have trouble building a relationship. No boundaries have been set.  Are we exclusive? Are we public?  What the hell are we doing?  I’m pretty sure a lot of people have been in a situation where they get stuck “talking” to someone, but never get that relationship or that title that they were building for.  This is getting stuck in grey.  You feel like you were played with or that the person was just trying to keep you around.  This is when it should be stated.  You and the other party need to know if you’re still on the same page.  Building a relationship does not always mean that the relationship will happen.  That’s a big problem with it.  Agreeing to build a relationship is vital to a strong relationship, but is also a risk.  A lot of people use this to their advantage. So when someone real comes along, you may not be as willing to go through this process again.  You have to remember that everyone is not the same and you can’t place blame on the next person. 

     I believe when one of the parties decides that the relationship is not going to work out, it should be stated.  No use in staying in something that’s going nowhere.  Yes, someone will most likely get hurt.  But no one should stay where they don’t want to be or keep someone in something and lead them on.  You have to except the fact that just because you and the other person have an attraction to each other doesn’t mean you mesh well.  Giving someone an ultimatum or making demands won’t make anything better either.  You want to be friends first, right? 

     In the beginning, state what you are looking for.  If that person doesn’t want the same thing don’t waste your time just to keep them around.  Make sure you and the person are on the same page.  Don’t play with the other person.  Make it known whether you are exclusive or not.  Of course someone is going to be upset if they find out you are not being completely honest with them and are pursuing other people.  You’re trying to build trust.  Don’t rush the other person.  Give it time, be patient.  Have an open mind.  Everyone is not trying to get over.  You can have sex with just anybody, so make sure that you and that person are both ready to make that decision.  No, I don’t know all the answers.  I’m still trying to figure it out.  I hope I helped open someone else’s eyes up.  We’re learning together. 

 
If you have any request or ideas for posts feel free to let me know. I appreciate all the help. Thanks hope you enjoyed.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Reboot, Restart, Refresh, Don't Refuck it up.


First, I want to apologize for me being MIA lately.  I can explain.  As you all know, I was going through unemployment for a year and a half.  I also was very single. Well, I end up finding work and I caught a man.  Well, I still have the job.  As for the boyfriend, that ended unfortunately.  I guess I wasn’t balancing my new schedule very well and I let some things slip.  Before I was “let go,” I had an idea about the subject of being “let go.” Well, it ended up happening.  I’m going to try my best to write this post unbiased.

 

     Have any of you ever been let go from a job?  I have.  And I’m sure we have all been let go of a relationship or had one that didn’t work out.  Do you find yourself paranoid about the next time you find yourself in this situation?  One thing I remember about losing my job is packing up the items on my desk in front of everyone and trying to hold it together.  Which I didn’t do very well. I was really embarrassed and hurt.  I had been working there a little and got comfortable enough to bring things to decorate my space.  I never expected it to be snatched from me so quickly.  After going through that which affected me greatly, I found myself not wanting to get comfortable or bring anything to my new desk when I found new employment.  I was always on edge that I was going to get “let go.”  I wanted to do everything perfect.  I was even scared of interviewing and opening up.

    Before my most recent relationship, I had been single for 5 years. I was very excited for this new relationship and I started having that same insecurity about unpacking myself and was always on edge.  I wanted to make him happy, I wanted to be a great girlfriend, and I wanted to show my appreciation to him for him choosing me.  If any small thing happened to where I would think could go into a conflict, I freaked out. I thought I was going to get “fired” from this new relationship just as I had in the past and with work.  I started my new job and relationship around the same, so you can imagine how nervous I was this whole time.  Oh, I was ecstatic, just nervous.  I felt like I needed to hold on to both.  I found myself not bringing things to put on my desk at work and not wanting to ruffle any of his feathers.  I guess me trying to make him happy sort of ruined everything and I got a little overbearing.  Something I have to work on.  I was trying to be too perfect and do everything to make him happy instead of just relaxing and letting him breathe. But with every relationship you must learn from your mistakes. 

     I eventually relaxed at work. Well sort of, I’m still on edge.  But, I learned this:  Don’t focus so much on your past failures to where you mess up your present.  It’s normal for us to feel guilt when we fail at something.  Some say “Failure is not an option” but it’s something we all have to go through to get better at what we do.  No one is perfect, not one has all the answers; but some have definitely been there, done that.  We first have to take full responsibility for what we do.  After we have our grieving time, we have to pick ourselves back up. Whether it’s in a career or relationship, life goes on.  Dwelling in the past won’t help you succeed in your new endeavors.  It will only hold you back.  Don’t force yourself into something you are not completely ready for.  Give yourself time to heal, but you’ll eventually get through it.  When God closes doors, it’s to open another.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Boys Have a Penis; Girls Have a Vagina: I'm done with trying to figure you out!

      I see it on Twitter all the time: “I just don’t understand men/women. Why do y’all do that?!"  This has been a topic for a long time.  It’s not as hard as some think it is.  Men and women are made differently, so we act differently.  This is stated in the first book of the bible:
“To the woman He said: ‘I will greatly multiply you sorrow and your conception;        in pain you shall bring for children; your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.’  Then, to Adam He said, ‘because you have heeded the voice of your wife…Cursed is the ground for your sake; in toil you shall eat of it All the days of you life.  Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you, and you shall eat the herb of the field.  In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread Till you return to the ground,’” Genesis 3; 16-19
Men and women, though totally different, were made to work with each other.  But we haven’t figured out what makes the other tick.  I’m not sure if we are supposed to, but we sure do need some type of understanding to have successful relationships.  It has to work together somehow.  So, I’m attempting to help some of you who are puzzled at this question.  Here I’ve attempted to answer some of the questions you all asked.  No, I don’t have all the answers, but I’m sure some of you will appreciate some of the insight or views I’m going to share.

 “New Pussy”

     The first question every woman asked was, “What is it with men and ‘New Pussy?’”  Men feel that new pussy is like new territory that needs to be conquered.  I, having a minor in history, could better relate this to the early Explorers trying to conquer the New World.  This was a big accomplishment to them to “discover” something.  Experience it for the first time.  Now this may not fully make sense because you can not “discover” something that has already been occupied.  Explain that to Christopher Columbus.  So, I guess it would be like beating the next level in a video game, in the words of @lordteflon.  Men are driven to “beat” everything possible.  Women, how does it feel when you accomplish something you’ve been trying to for awhile?  Great!  Your self confidence is boosted and you feel like you could do anything.  Men feel like they could “do” anything after “new pussy.”  It's not really about the female.  The guys I asked told me that it's not always worth it.  I guess it's kinda like a new pair of shoes.  They just want it even if it's not a real logical or good reason for it.

     Now, this is not the same for women because of the double standard in society.  Women were usually told by their parents, “Wait until marriage.”  This is why women want to get married so badly.  This is a major milestone in their lives.  Hence the reason we have our weddings planned in our heads with no groom early in life.  And what man do you know is going to tell his little girl, “Fuck as many men as possible.”  Women often steer away from “new dick.”  We don’t want our numbers to go up because we don’t want to be considered a “hoe.”  If we’re a hoe, then we’ll never be a housewife.  See what I mean? This is why we often become “loyal pussy.”  We will back track before going to a new sex partner. So, don’t get in your head, “She missed this.”  No, she'd rather go back than add to her list.  Remember we can’t erase our pussy history. Girl logic.

     This can also go into the differences of cheating in men and women.  Women are more emotionally attached to their sexually partners than men, because we’re “not supposed to have that many.”  We feel like it’s an emotional experience we share with another person.  Men; not so much.  They just want to experience it. “What that be like?”  This is why lots of people feel when women cheat it's worse, because it’s usually for some emotional reason or because the sex is bad. This can also explain the question I received, “Why do women over evaluate the worth of their ‘cooch?’”  We were simply taught to when growing up. i.e. “Don’t give away your cookies to everyone. You’re cookies are special. Wait until marriage.” 

 Forgiveness

     With all the infidelity in the first section, we have to look at how men and women react the way they do to it.  Why are men not quick to forgive and move on in the relationship?  Why do women put up with more than men do? Because they aren’t made that way.  It seems that women will put up with way more in a relationship than a man would because women are “more forgiving.”  In a relationship:  Yes.  In a friendship:  No.  It’s the exact opposite for men.  Relationship:  not as forgiving.  Friendship:  forgiving. Women want it to work.  Men believe it’s supposed to work.  Men feel like if they’ve invested their time and money then it’s just supposed to work.  This is why many men, will go back to an ex instead of trying something new.  Even when that bitch did him dirty.  It’s the end of the world when a woman hurts them, because they aren’t to suppose to feel hurt.  Women are more nurturing and emotional by nature.  (See bible verse.)  We are built that way.  A woman can cut off another woman in a heartbeat because our sex, emotions, time is not invested in another woman.  We don't care about other bitches.  We will hold grudges against another woman easily, but with a man it’s not that easy.  This is why women will deal with a lot before they are “fed up.”  “And when a woman’s fed up...” you know the song. 

      I’ve noticed a lot of women talking about men who are friends, boys, buddies, etc and how they will fall out and then get over it and are back cool again.  They can forgive their boys quicker than a woman.  They feel like we’re supposed to be loyal and like their mothers.  We’re not supposed to cheat and betray them.  Their heart is invested with the woman and it’s worse to them in their eyes when women are dishonest.  They know it’s usually about something deeper than a nut.  Men don’t put their feelings into every woman they sleep with, so when their spouse hurts them it’s WWIII.  This is how a lot of men stop caring all together.  They don’t want to try any more and face failure.  Failure is not an option in a man’s eyes.  Men and women feel the same about when each other has been wronged, but they just react and process it differently.

Lying

     Men lie, women lie, numbers don’t lie.  I’m not sure if there is much difference of why either sex lies. Simply because they don’t want you to know.  Women often lie about how we feel. “No, I’m not mad.”  She maybe she feels somewhat guilty or silly of what she is upset about.  If it wasn’t anything little a women wouldn’t have any problem telling a man how he fucked up.  We will tell the world when we know we have the right to be mad. Do women lie about how they feel because they’re unsure?  Women feel that men lie for (what they feel are) dumb reasons.  Men lie about little things because they probably think or know you’re going to get upset.  And women, I have to admit that we do get upset at little things sometimes.  In the end, we both lie and we both get upset about the other lying.  I can agree that both men and women may lie to make the other feel good. “No, that doesn’t make you look fat.”  “Yes, you’re good in bed.”  See?  Though, a little white lie can make you feel good, a big one may affect your future relationship with that person or with someone else. Be careful not to hurt each other.

Questions from Twitter

Why do women get mad at the other girl before the man?
     It’s fucked up, but it happens. Not in all women, but in some. It’s simply. A woman’s loyalty is not to the other woman. It’s with the man she is with and she wants to believe him. Remember I said, “Women want it to work.” But men you can’t say only women have silly reactions to these things. Many of you have tried to tell your homie about his chick and he gets mad at YOU for telling him or simply won’t believe it. Not the girl, not the other dude, but you who had not hit his chick. Damn, don’t shoot the messenger. This is why you hear some men saying, “Your girls always hating.” Whether this is true or not, this is how that individual man is viewing it. Even if she is looking out for the best interest of her friend, he says she’s hating.

Why are men/women unwilling to change?
     I’m not sure if this is just one, so I added both sexes to the question.  Hell, I’m not as flexible as I could be.  I feel like this has to do with each of the party feeling that their way is right and not looking at how the other feel.  It may have to do with the person; it may have to do with the gender.  You have to want to change.  And to want to change, you have to feel there is a need for it.  Boy Logic; Girl Logic.  It’s just kind of each sexes screwed up (in the eyes of the other sex) way of thinking.

 Why do women switch topics in a conversation randomly?
     This was hilarious to me and then I realized I do it.  So, this is why I do it.  It’s my way of saying, “Ok, I’m bored with this subject time for something new.  I have all these questions in my head that I want to ask you to see if you’re suitable to breed with. Lol.  I also want to ask before I forget.”  Only me?

Why do some women feel they can make a guy like them?
     I think when women really like a guy we get determined to make a guy like us too.  We’ve asked you all the questions that we had in our head as stated above and we like you.  Who doesn’t want the feelings to be reciprocated?  Women want to show this man that they are the one for them and that no other girl is like her because she is special.  The part about this is that we women need to realize that you can’t make a guy like you.  He either is or isn’t.  Same for men.  You can’t make a girl like you if she’s already friend zoned you.  You also can’t talk a girl into sleeping with you if she doesn’t already want to. Upon first seeing you, women put you into one of two categories:  “Would fuck” or “Wouldn’t fuck.”  We might not want to give it up right away, but we definitely know if we would or not.  So, don’t force yourself.

How is it that a woman will hold on to the father of their child and a man can leave the mother of his child easily?
     This was a whooper.  My best explanation of this is that if a man leaves after a child, he was going to leave in the first place.  I know children are supposed to me precious gifts, but let’s be honest, some were accidental.  I think this has the same to do with how women are raised to get married then have a baby.  So when we find ourselves in this situation we are not quick to leave.  A baby won’t keep a man.  You may deal with him for the rest of his life, but that doesn’t mean he is going to be with you.  A man does have respect for the mother of his child though.  Well, not all.  Most men do.  He will even mess with her 3 to 5 years after the child is born because he usually can.  Why?  Because if she’s the one holding onto it and is going to let him. 

Why can't women control their emotions better?
     Women were taught that it's okay to cry.  Men, on the other hand, were told not to cry.  That's pretty much the answer to that.  Women think their feelings matter because they were never told to suck it up like men were. Also, the Bible verse above may explain that.


     Looking at all of these differences we have to look at some other aspects about why we work the way we do.  I recall learning some time in high school that a woman was made stronger in our lower body and a man is stronger in his upper body.  Now, think for a minute.  Women are made to give child birth and this hurts. (See Bible verse.)  I don’t think a man would be able to handle something the size of an infant coming out his penis.  Men are made stronger in physical ability. Is this the reason why when men say they were thinking with their “other head” and made a bad decision?  Can we control our loins a little bit better?  Women also think with their vaginas.  What do you think “Women’s Intuition” is?  It’s our vaginas talking, and I’m not talking about queefing.  One night I was in a room with a bunch of women and it was a one guy in the room.  A girl entered, who we did not like.  There were no words said but you could feel the tension in the room.  We had never communicated to each other that none of us liked her, but we could sure feel it.  If our vaginas weren’t on one accord then I don’t know what you call it.  And I’m sure she got the message quick because she surely left quickly.  The male in the room had no idea nor could he feel the tension that was going on.  He was clueless.  This is when I realized that vaginas communicate.  Penises on the other hand, speak to the person they are attached to.  It gets hard and we know the rest.  Easier to please, easier to get to, etc.  It’s not built to do the same thing a vagina is built to do. So, would you really expect one to be wise when using it?  No disrespect fellas.  If not made the same, why would we act the same? 

     I actually don’t think it’s that we don’t always understand each other I think it’s because we don’t want to.  Men may not want to relate to a woman because it would be “unmanly.”  Ladies may not want to relate to guys because some would feel she is “a hoe.”  Yes, double standards do exist and I don’t feel like we are getting rid of them anytime soon.  I actually think they help us a little more.  We need some kind of boundaries or rules or the world would be more fucked up than it is now.  I don’t think its rocket science; it’s just the way things are.  We are a lot different, but yet we compliment each other.  Appreciate the opposite sex in your life and respect them.  I think that is what it all comes down to.

Special Thanks to everyone who asked questions or gave their insight: Maurice, Darryl, Tanika, Lee-Ah, Brittney, D'Cameron, Lazeric, Daunte, D'Wayne, Justin, Darian, Callaya, Maurice (fly guy), Berry, @Simply_aMACEing, @trupulchritude, @Murf_DGAF, @SpontaneousNes

Monday, July 2, 2012

Lions, and Tigers, and Bears...The Wizard of Oz Theory

     Most of us are familiar with the story The Wizard of Oz without realizing that we may encounter some of these characters while searching for “the one” and dating.  I’m sure a lot of women can relate to some of these fools Dorothy ran into.  Whether you’re familiar with The Wiz or The Wizard of Oz, I hope you enjoy this read.

Scarecrow – He Only Wants Some Brain
    I’m sure we’ve all ran into this one.  Not too bright and you have to help him get to his feet.  In the end, it turns out that he only wants some brain.  Though, the scarecrow tells us what he wants in the beginning, we being na├»ve tries to help him in his situation because we want companionship along the way.  Though he may offer good company and sex, we know this won’t last too long.  We’ll even keep him along the way on the side as we encounter all these others as something to fall back on.

Tin Man – Cold hearted
     This one would probably piss you off the most.  He claims he has no feelings.  His heart was crushed in the past so he acts like he has no emotional attachment to you.  In all reality, he’s still stuck on his ex and always in his feelings about something.  Typical Drake syndrome; no lie.  You won’t be able to show him that what he needs is right in front of his face because he’s too busy telling you about how he has no feelings.  It’s obvious he does.  This one will leave you a little scarred, but all the signs were right in front of you.

Cowardly Lion – little bitch
     This is the typical “bitch ass.”  He tries to act hard and talk tough, but he’s the biggest punk in the room.  He’ll pick fights with someone smaller than him and may even put his hands on you.  Basically, he has a lot of bark and no bite.  He’s insecure about something and he’s trying to cover it up by making himself appear to be something he’s not.  You can probably see right through him and won’t even want to talk to him.  But just in case he’s a smooth talker, you fall hard.  Just don’t expect it to last.  His true colors will come out in due time.

The Wiz – Imposter
     This is probably the worst one to come in contact.  Even the smartest girls get fooled by this man who seems like he’s too good to be true.  Well, he is.  Yes, he seems like he’s perfect and you finally think you’ve found the one.  This is why a lot of women end up with trust issues.  This great man they sought after and thought he was going to solve everything and end you’re misery.  Then, you find out he’s not what he’s cracked up to be.  You’ll be pissed about this one. 

    Now, these men may seem all bad if you get involved with them, but they can actually lead you in the right direction if you keep them in your corner and not on your team.  Basically, these types of men are better as friends and can help you spot out the fakers.  Hey, we all need friends of the opposite sex to help us when we’re not using our best judgment.  They’ll help you spot out the hating witch you have to put up with on the way.  But if you decide to get involved with one, you’ll be trying to click your heels together to get away.  So instead of wishing yourself somewhere over the rainbow, just wait for it to come to you.  And remember to stay away from poppies.